Portrait of a Porter

It's been a while, but Droid got me tonight. Tweeting with @LeftCoastBias about beers, I was confirming his choice in a Maui Brewing's Coconut Porter. Or as Droid called it, "Coconut Portrait."

It's not a portrait-perfect representation of the style, but maybe Droid will figure that out.

You Twerps!

This one is probably all my fault, but it was still funnier than hell.

I was on Twitter mobile-ly a couple weeks ago, having quite the time, and avoiding all manner of Droidism. It got kind of late, and I figured I'd log off for the night.

I tried to sign off with a simple, "Good night to my Oly Tweeps!" Droid apparently doesn't care for the latest electronic dialectal craze, and has no idea that you can change almost any word into a Twitter-related (insert your favorite part of speech here).

Droid translated "Tweeps" to "twerps", and I had no clue.
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Until one of my Oly tweeps responded with a, "Who you callin a Twerp?!"

I guess I can count on Droid to betray my true opinions when I least expect it.

Droid thinks I'm talented

This one has to be my all-time favorite Droidism.

As you may know, I'm an avid Tweeter and Facebooker. I post as much as possible from my mobile phone, and that means as much as possible from my Droid.

One fine Sunday after I bought my Droid, I was in bed waiting for my better half to wake up, so I was, of course, browsing the social interwebs. I figured a quick Facebook update, some quick tweets, and then off to make coffee.

My intended FB status update was something like, "Bill is lazing in bed before getting a jump on a busy day."

Droid, Universe love him, gave me, "Bill is blazing in bed..."

I had no idea... until Droid starting buzzing with SMS responses made to my status. The first one came from that ever-entertaining kEnnyD, something about sheets being on fire, which drew a puzzled expression. Then one from a highschool classmate asking if I needed a cigarette.

At that point, I visited my Profile from Droid's Facebook app, but guess what? You can't delete status updates from the phone (no, not even with a "long touch", as inappropriate-sounding as that term might sound in this context). So I jumped out of bed, and ran down to the PC. Of all the times to take too long to boot, this would be a good time for my PC to oblige me, and unsurprisingly, it did.

By the time I got booted up, logged on, and logged into Facebook, it was too late to save any face. At least six early-morning, social networking addicts got in their very entertaining quips. It didn't stop me from deleting, for the first time ever, the only too-embarrassing Facebook status update I've published.

So, now, a few months later, I publish the whole episode here so that it may stand as a record of where Droid thinks my true talents lie.

Charles's lesser known cousin?

In trying to Tweet that a couple of Sunday comic strips (one of which was Dilbert), and the sitcom 2 1/2 Men, appeared to be paying me personal homage, I tried ending my blog-ette with, "Life is good."

Droid obviously knows better and chose, "Life Osgood."

I can't help but wonder if that is Charles Osgood's cousin from his hippie uncle, and I still have no idea how it relates to my tweet.

What the Hell's a Mary?

So my friend's husband is a stay-at-home dad. While listening to NPR, I learned they would have an article about the increases in this career. They referred to men in the vocation as being, "Mrs. Moms."

Droid translated "Mrs." as Mary. In fact, it tried it twice in this post. Sigh.

I just wish it had picked, "Merry." That might have at least made some sense.

Ken gets his very own duckdom

My Droid almost got me tonight, and in the process gave my buddy Ken something to laugh about.

I tried to post, "My doc", but for some reason, Droid decided I meant, "My Dickson." Now, not that everyone couldn't use a good Dickson-and my particular Dickson(s) is (are) pretty handy to have around-but he didn't do what I was attributing to my doc, despite what Droid thinks.

To top it all off, as I was trying to post this from my Droid, purposefully trying to type, "Dickson", it kept choosing "duckdom".

I guess one way or another, Droid thinks Ken is some kind of quack.

What chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?

So, I'm trying to say, "I will eat bacon. " Droid does, "I Willis eat bacon".

Except for punctuation, it totally brought me back to Diff'rent Strokes days and a statement we might've heard from Arnold's older brother.

That all being said... I shall eat, and I shall eat bacon.